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Watching porn is a rite of passage for most men. It begins with a few visuals, like that proverbial Playboy magazine several friends passes around well before they are old enough to learn what it all means. Eventually a man discovers the visual and aural stimulation of moving video, and that often begins a lifelong love of porn. In fact, the sore penis that results from far too much porn watching might turn into a man’s first foray into determining good penis care.

But when a guy begins to take pleasure from pleasure with someone outside the screen, he is frequently disappointed by the vast gulf between what porn teaches him and what really happens in the bedroom. For the uninitiated, here are some things to never actually expect to translate from the screen to the bedroom.

1) Perfect bodies. All the participants in a porn video are usually very young and healthy. And if they aren’t, the video producers use tricks of camera angles and lighting to hide any flaws. The result may be the belief that a woman should look a certain way, and a man should too. That may definitely result in disappointment in the bedroom.

2) Instant hardness. Men in porn are very rarely observed in a flaccid state. As soon as a woman walks over the screen, they’re hard enough to crush diamonds. The simple truth is that most porn productions work with a ‘fluffer’ – a female whose only job would be to get yourself a man hard before he walks onscreen. What appears to be ‘instant’ really is just an illusion.

3) She gets off fast. Ladies in porn seem to feel as though every touch is orgasmic, and they appear to have numerous orgasms throughout one session. The truth is very different. Women usually require a very specific type of stimulation, for much more than simply a few seconds, to get turned on – significantly less to get off.

4) Noise, noise, noise! A porn video is filled with aural stimulation, which is part of why most guys think it’s great so much. And who wouldn’t? The problem is that women aren’t really likely to make noises like that between the sheets. Sure, they might be enthusiastic and make some noise, however the sounds in a porn film will not likely be replicated in the bedroom.

5) Money shots. Here’s an interesting stat: porn actors ejaculate somewhere other than the vagina 81 percent of the time. More often than not they do it on her behalf body or mostly, her face. The thing is that 80 percent of women in true to life report not liking that one move. So unless she approves beforehand, don’t be prepared to replicate this.

6) Crazy moves. Remember the ‘fluffer’ and the illusion she creates? A similar thing is true of a woman who can do wild things in porn, like anal sex without the preparation, or double penetration. In each case, the problem has been prepped and carefully coordinated off-camera. Again, don’t be prepared to replicate things like this!

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